Love Hurts
by lahmrh
Summary: K/S, Chapel POV. Kirk once again ends up in sickbay, and Nurse Chapel discovers something unexpected when she goes to check on him.


**Love Hurts**

Christine checks the chronometer and stands. Time to check on the captain. It's the middle of the night – or what passes for night on a starship – but she feels wide awake as she heads out of her office and across the main sickbay.

Their last away mission was ill-fated at best, and Kirk is currently recovering from a spear to the side courtesy of an angry native. He will recover fully, but he lost a lot of blood, and it's only down to Doctor McCoy's skill that the injury wasn't fatal. McCoy wanted to stay and watch over him overnight, but she insisted that she could handle it and he should get some rest.

She's checked on Kirk twice already, and both times he was sleeping peacefully, so she isn't expecting this time to be any different as she approaches the private area at the back of sickbay.

She pauses in the doorway and frowns as she takes in the scene. There's someone already there, standing next to Kirk's bed. After a moment her eyes adjust to the darkness and she relaxes as she realises it's just Mr Spock, come to check up on the captain. She's about to step forward and make her presence known when he begins to speak and she finds herself frozen to the spot.

"I'm sorry," Spock says quietly. So quietly that she isn't certain she heard him correctly. "I should have protected you. I failed."

She watches as he moves closer to the bed, never taking his eyes from Kirk's face.

"Jim..." he whispers desperately, and there's such pain in his voice that anyone witnessing it couldn't possibly deny that he has feelings. Part of her wants to go to him, tell him it wasn't his fault, do _something _to stop him from sounding so hopeless.

And then he reaches out and takes Kirk's hand.

Christine's mind stutters to a stop. She _knows_ what that gesture means, remembers M'Benga's far-too-amused explanation after he caught her holding Spock's hand. Since then she's made certain to keep her hands to herself, hoping that Spock would eventually offer that touch of his own free will.

And he has, just not with her.

She stands there numb with shock as memories begin to pour into her mind. Her humiliating virus-induced attempt to tell him of her feelings, and how all he could say was _I'm sorry_. Witnessing various touches and glances and silent conversations that suddenly seem a lot less innocent. The first time she saw him smile…. Because of Kirk. All because of Kirk.

She wonders how she could have been so stupid.

The sudden ache in her chest is nothing compared to the pain of losing Roger – twice – but it still hurts, and she can't help but hate Captain Kirk, just a little. _You could have had anyone. Why_ him_?_

When Spock reaches out to touch Kirk's cheek, she can't watch any more. She turns and leaves as silently as she enters – with any luck neither of them will ever know she was there. She runs a sleeve over her eyes as she heads back to her office and thinks bitterly that she's had quite enough of pity.

She spends the next hour or so determinedly burying herself in paperwork in an attempt to avoid the pain, and when she finally goes back to check on Kirk, Spock is gone.

The captain is pale and still under his sickbay blanket, the only movement the steady rise and fall of his chest. Christine looks at him, lying there, and realises that, for all she wishes things were different, she can't blame Kirk. It isn't his fault that Spock loves him, after all, any more than it's her fault that Spock doesn't love her.

"I hope you know how lucky you are," she murmurs as she jots down the readings. "And…." She swallows. "I hope you make him happy. Someone should."

_Even if it isn't me._

x x x

The best intentions in the universe can't stop it from hurting, though, and it's several weeks before her chest stops aching at the way Spock's eyes light up when he looks at Kirk. He's _different_ around the captain, and she wonders how she never noticed it before. In her kinder moments she thinks that at least he isn't alone anymore, and eventually the pain fades enough for her to feel genuinely happy for him, for them.

Still, the next time the captain winds up in sickbay she asks McCoy to take the night shift.


End file.
